Winston Montgomery
Mozart On The Road
Mozart on The Road


Winston Montgomery

Mozart on the road
Mozart on the road
Mozart on the road

1) In January 1762, five-year-old harpsichord and violin god, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, known to his fans as Little Wolfie, embarked upon a concert tour of Europe. Accompanied by his sister, Nannerl, and his father, Leopold, Little Wolfie took to the road to support his self-produced cd, The Brown Album, an early exploration of his lifelong obsession with what, in modern times, we call poop. Little Wolfie could play the harpsichord blindfolded with his hands crossed, as well as behind his back, a trick many musicologists think he picked up from Jimmy Hendrix. Like Jimi he was also famous for setting his axe on fire, and after every concert he smashed his child sized violin.

2) Like all promoters Leopold Mozart swore he wasn't in it for money but for the love of music and the glory of God as embodied in his son and daughter's musical genius. But the glory of God barely covered expenses as ticket sales were dismal and the aristocrats they performed for in private often gave them trinkets instead of cash. Most of the proceeds were consumed supplying Little Wolfie's posse with beer and the very potent Guttenberg Green they all smoked.

3) To make their journey more comfortable Papa Mozart had a wooden coach custom built that featured tinted glass, reclining leather couches and a sun roof, as well as a crude toilet and kitchenette. Stenciled in gold leaf on each side of the horse drawn vehicle was the legend "Little Wolfie, European Tour 1762". They traveled at night to avoid the stifling daytime heat, but the darkness brought other dangers. Outside Vienna they were pursued for hours by a band of Highwaymen. (They were singing, "Michael, Row the Boat Ashore".) Most musical historians consider the Mozartbus to be the first band bus in musical history.

4) At Versailles Little Wolfie, glammed up in a sword, tri-cornered hat and elaborate powdered coiffeur gave a recital at the court of Louis XV. The diminutive virtuoso, a little stoned, jumped up on the lap of the King's mistress, Maria de Pompadour, and tried to give her a kiss. At the post performance party Little Wolfie shared a piece of cake with the young Marie Antoinette. Marie was not very pleasant company, however, complaining the entire evening about how tightly her dress fit around her neck.

5) Leaving the Mozartbus in Paris, they took the Chunnel to London where Little Wolfie passed an afternoon jamming with Johann Christian Bach, youngest son of Johann Sebastian, the founder of the Loving Spoonful. After the Mozart siblings' concert at The Albert Hall, the Beatles came backstage with a giggling Bob Dylan, who was visiting from the Colonies. Paul slipped everyone a tab of acid and they went clubbing in Soho where they ran into Phil Spector and the Rolling Stones. The night ended operatically as Little Wolfie trashed the room at the inn where he was staying, streaking the walls with poop and tossing the TV and a few pieces of furniture out a window.

6) The Mozarts returned safely to Salzburg, but like a shooting star Little Wolfie's life was brilliant but brief. He died at the age of thirty-five from an overdose of Ecstasy taken at an all night rave in the Salzburg Cathedral. He was buried in a pauper's grave on the outskirts of the city, but a few weeks later his body was dug up by the secretary of his fan club, drenched in cognac and set afire. His remains have never been found, but rumor has it that they were smuggled to Paris where they reposed for a few years next to Jim Morrison in the Pere la Chair cemetery, then transported to Graceland where they are buried somewhere on its grounds.

Lyrics Credits: Winston Montgomery
Music Credits: Winston Montgomery
Producer Credits: Austin de Lone
Publisher Credits:
Performance Credits:
Label Credits:
Short Song Description:
Mozart,the child prodigy, and his surrealistic adventures on the road.
Long Song Description:
Story Behind the Song:
Song Length: 8:01
Primary Genre: Rock-Classic
Secondary Genre: Spoken Word-Humor
Tempo: Medium Fast (131 - 150)
Lead Vocal: Male Vocal
Language: English
Era: 1700 - 1799